Its been a while

Okay I know its been a while since the last post but things have been busy. Right now I am killing time before I finish my packing and finally leave my house for my 4 month English excursion. I have been looking forward to this for a long time and its going to be a super fun adventure. Going to miss everyone here but I will be back soon enough. Oh summer in Toronto its a shame I shall miss thee. Anyway I shall be writing more frequently once I get to england. Hopefully post some pics on facebook of whats going on with me.
Take it sleazy
G-

What to do?

Okay so here is the deal. I had a discussion with my supervisor today and I need to make a decision on whether or not I do my phd directly and not do my masters. Do I want to be tethered to this city for at least 4 more years or should I just get my masters and keep my options open. I need to think really hard about this one. This is one of those life shaping decisions.

England Tickets in my hand

Well its official!!!!!! I have my ticket in my hand. I am gone form the 7th July to October 16th. I am taking the first two weeks in October to travel. 4 months away I can't wait, its going to be so much fun. Its not Australia but it will do. Okay off to the Jays game vs Boston.
-Graeme out

I know this is all going to come out sounding like such a downer, and it would probably be better if i didn't put this down, but i feel like i need to write it out to stop the craziness in my head. it's keeping me from sleep and from anything productive.
I don't know if it's that Ive started going to therapy, or just that all the crappy things seem to happen at the same time, but i am feeling so broken.
I just wish I could stop living for a while. Not that I'm suicidal or anything. I don't want to be dead certainly. and i even love my life. I am just so tired. I wish i could have some time off. where i could just stop being for a while. i need to catch up. I feel like I am so swamped with everything that I can't catch up to my own life and it is overwhelming me to the point of wanting to retreat more and more away from everyone and everything in my life. simply because i can't handle creating any new memories or relationships or even superficial conversation let alone substantial life moments. I want to sort out the past, not even, i just want the past to not exist. and the future not to exist. Why can we not just choose when to move through our own lives and when to pause everything and take a breathe for a minute?!

What she said

Its official I am in a rut. A rut that I desperately need to get out of. I feel like I am getting left behind. Everyone around me has a relationship going and I am that guy again, the friend guy. I have come to terms with that, I just don't really feel like I have anyone to really talk to anymore. But hey thats life right, it can't be all sunshine and puppies all the time. But sunshine and puppies would be AWESOME. I am biding my time right now with work and hoping to get playing golf soon. I am off to bed, goodnight world.

In other words...

I heard that song today "give in" by Tina Dico. and it made me think of how i've been feeling recently. and i think Graeme has been feeling it too. There has been a slump of sorts. It may be the weather, the gray drab spring before the shine that makes you think nothing pretty and vibrant will ever resurface, despite the knowledge that it is just around the corner. the rebirth of flora and good times seemingly too far to count on. It makes one feel an itch that you can't seem to scratch because, while you can feel that it is somewhere on your back, you can't seem to get the spot right on. almost as though it is inside your skin and unscratchable. strangely as i type this my back is getting itchy. a literal itch is so much easier to scratch than a metaphoric one.

So Graeme is off in the spring to England and I am still at odds with what to do with myself. In so many ways I am back at the drawing board. new job? maybe. not sure if i'm ready to leave this one, though i know i should. new apartment. perhaps. though i know i am not anxious to move despite my desire to not live where i am. new city. maybe it's time. but then where? back to the old create a new life for Laura stage. which is both frustrating and lovely.

Similar to the beginning of a road trip. Where you have no plan except to not plan. Where you know you want to have some adventures, but you can't plan for them because you don't know really what you want. But you ar sure that you'll know it when you see it. We always know our cake when we see it don't we Graeme? And we won't hesitate to eat it when we find it. We just like to wait till someone lays it out in front of us so we can say, " Yes I'll take a big piece please".

It's hard but it's worth it

Give in
to your confusion
theres no good in hiding
why you're unusual
leave it behind
then change your mind
take what you find
it will be good enough

too young to be heroes
too old to play april fools
too smart to be honest
cause we've got too much to lose

too late to be perfect
it's not like we haven't tried
it's hard but its worth it
every time we get it right

every time you give in
and go where it takes you
stand by the feeling
even if it breaks you
it's always a guess
which way's the best
take what you find and
make it good enough

and even when you're lost inside yourself
even when too weak to cry for help
even when you can't put up a fight
even when your broke and you aren't right
maybe it's the struggle that you need
something to disturb you in your sleep
a kiss of madness on your cheek

when will you see
you've got to give in to your confusion
leave it behind
then change your mind
take what you find and let it be good enough

Sionara Toronto (well eventually)

So I am sitting here in my office and trying to procrastinate as much as possible from doing the presentation that is due tomorrow. Its blazing sunshine outside but my ears almost fell off on my walk to school. Colour me impressed. I have come to the realization that I am ready to take a break from this city. I have been here for 5+ years and frankly its getting on my nerves now. I need to go see and do something different for a bit, then come back here and finish off what I started. Thats why I am looking forward to going to England. It shall be quite the adventure (never been across the pond) and I will get to meet new people. I really need to expand my circle of friends a little bit. So I am counting the days till I can give the old middle finger to the new world and go visit the old one for a while. Wish I could take the crew with me but hey we all got to go do something on our own every so often. I shall get my fill of summer in toronto till then, Drunk on a patio somewhere or on a golf course is where I shall be.
Back to work i go.

Off to England in July

Well I have just come home from some drinking at shoeless joes. I am getting my liver ready for the alcohol onslaught tomm. I thought I would tell the world that I am confirmed to go to England from July to the end of September. I am super excited to go , but don't want to leave the weekday grilfriday behind. What can I say she is lost without me. Oh well I plan to find me a good Irish hottie when I am visiting Belfast for all of 30 pounds.
Thats all for now I will post the aftermath of tomm's festivites.

G

Massage Heaven

So Laura and I are sitting in Sushi Sky and thinking that we need a little pampering. We wanted a massage but could not figure out anywhere to get it in the area and it was to be a spur of the moment thing. So we started walking up Yonge st on the way home and low and behold what do we see on a door on Yonge St just south of Wellsley. you guessed it, a massage parlor that was open. So we go in to check the prices and the lady was nice enough to give us a discount. She asks if we want to go together and we say sure. She shows us the room and we reach a quandary. Do we take off all our clothes? We decide no only shirts will come off. Apparently the lady thought that we were a couple and not just the awesome friends that we are. The massage was great, it helped that my masseuse kind of looked like a school girl. She sat on my back and everything I felt like jello after, it was great. I will certainly have to go back.

Baseball fever

Well lads and lasses it seems I am the proud holder of two season opener for Toronto's beloved Blue Jays. I got the tickets that we were hoping for in a little nook almost exactly center of the 200 level outfield. April 9th is going to be a hella good time.

The Plague: a scurrilous tale of monkey on our backs

So, since pregnancy is the new black...I had resolved to get to the baby-making already! Valentine's day comes along, that old chestnut, and it finds me eating an entire box of chocolates, a pack of wine gums and tromping through the snow with matt, making distasteful (though admittedly hilarious) jokes about my fertility. Only to come to the conclusion that while fertile i may be, I don't actually want anything to do with a baby. so, I am giving up the baby-making for lent...yes that's right. i believe it's what's meant to be, for religious purposes only of course. So, now i am eating a bag of reese's pieces for breakfast. because i am lazy and disgusting. and trying to find anyway i can to put off cleaning my room or doing anything productive at all! Which, of course, finds me here. reading graeme's post, listening to Tina Dico, and wishing i had more groceries in my fridge. i have an abnormal amount of tasty cheeses...but nothing to pair them with to do them justice unfortunately. I think i will go and make some sort of cheesy concoction and watch some lazy sunday television. perhaps i will gain some inspiration from learning about superpowers on Heroes, or through watching Lost and pining for my dear Boone.

Guelph for Soca Night & BA Baracas Band

So I have been sick for a week and that really should have given me the time to write about my Friday night in Guelph, but what can I say my bed is way too comfy and I was in pain. Anyway so my cousins Brianna and Jonathan invited me to Guelph last Friday for a good old Trini Soca Fete (party). So earlier that day I TAed at Ryerson and then went to Riley's pub with a guy I used to TA with there, Sean. So long story short we had two pitchers with no lunch and that equals a drunk Graeme at 12PM! So I go home and take a well deserved nap and get on the 4:15 bus for the long traffic riddled bus ride to Guelph. A little aside here, I hate the bus, especially a full bus (Okay I am sounding a little spoiled here), but its not the comfiest thing, especially sitting next to the toilet. Thankfully there was no bomb dropping going on. So I get to Guelph and am at my cousins apartment along with about 6 other trini people and all of us are drinking heavily as good trinis usually do. So a bottle of rum later we make our way to the club to try to avoid the bus that is bringing people from Toronto. My cousin at this time is sneaking a water bottle of rum into the club. Smart boy that one. I taught him everything he knows. Not really I can't take credit for him. But anyway nothing really to report at the party just a lot of trini white girls getting on STINK! who says white people cannot grind. Also the beers in guelph are cheap, $4 for a keiths, yes please I will have two at a time. We leave the club at 2:30 after being there at 10! All tired and craving pizza, with my drunk cousin Jonathan in tow. That kid can drink so much but when he gets drunk he instantly acquires a 1000 yard stare and he becomes absolutely unintelligible. We make it to my cousin Carynn's apartment (she lives in family housing as she has a daughter) and Jonathan and I are relegated to sleep in the basement (apparently we only saw in the morning that there was a sign that said it was both unsafe and against the law to use the basement as a bedroom). So sleeping from 4 till 12 on a foam mattress that was so bad my shoulder was touching the ground is not pleasant and needless to say I needed to nap once I got back into Toronto.
That nap was well warranted because Saturday night I went to see The BA Baracas band. Imagine two guys a bongo drum, a guitar and kazoos playing hits and your favorite tv show theme songs from the 80s. Music Gold! This excursion was arranged by none other than Carolyn with the supporting cast of Alyson, Naomi, Courtney and I am really bad with names because there was Alsyon's friend and Courtney's friend whos names escape me now. But anyway it was at Fionn Mac Cools on King and I must say its a tad pricey but I really like it and would like to go hang out there again. Needless to say my liver was not happy with me from the night before but I assaulted it with more beer and it took it like a trooper. After a couple hours of hanging out with the crew the band came on and it was fantastic a lot of sing along songs and the band did a great job with their interpretations. Kazoos kick ass as a musical instrument especially when they are kazoo SOLOS! But I was burned out and did not make it to the end of the night and came home to crash.
So wraps up my last weekend. We shall see how exciting this weekend turns out especially with my illness and all. Oh and for people posting comments, I really enjoy them just wish I knew who they were from!
(insert whitty closing line/quote here) oh wait I know.........
Punch a baby in the face because they are fucking assholes -Matt Armstrong

-Graeme-

You're the Boss Applesauce!

And here we are....only checking BigQuestionMarks' Blog two to three times a day this week instead of every twenty minutes or so.
The idea of losing Adrian, and the foursome of adventure dynamic, had filled me with such a desperation and panic. Initially, imagining that my life and all it's meaning was wrapped up in the time spent with Adrian and the stories resulting from said time. What friendship will compare? What adventures will I have now? Adrian is a tough, tough act to follow any way you look at it. Now, I am well aware of how overdramatic i sound. It wouldn't sound like me if it wasn't waaaaayyy over the top emotionally. so, bear with me secure in the knowledge that I can at least recognize how self-absorbedly (word?) melodramatic I am.

In reading their blog I have shifted away from the "I miss you" phase. Not to say that i don't miss them, of course. I am just so happy to read the stories of their explorations. I perceive them as the perfect travellers and it makes me proud to know them! They are fearless, yet sensible. They do not hesitate to try new things. So many people tend to shut out the cultures which they claim to be interested in. And, most of all...they can see the beauty in the yucky times. The times of filthy, livestock-filled bus trips. The times of accomodations with no bathroom doors. The times that other people think of as the bad times and try to focus away from. These are the real memory makers, I think. And Adrian and Dayle seem to experience everything with a level of excitement and anticipation that I admire. With the idea that every obstacle brings you to another level of enlightenment!
You two are an amazing. I am so pleased that you are having such a cake-eatingly good time.

Meanwhile, on the home front....
New Graeme is taking the world by storm! I don't like the moniker "new graeme". He coined that term. This is the Graeme the three of us always knew and saw. The cake-eating, sarcasm-fueled, take-no-prisoners Graeme. The Dragonforce Graeme. Now, similarly to Neo when he starts to bend the Matrix, Graeme is beginning to believe. As such, he is laying himself a veritable buffet of cakes! Oh...also he now knows Kung Fu. You would be so proud!

I am planning a trip to England to see Noel Gallagher in concert apparently. Mark (my brother) called me one night and told me he got us two tickets t a sold out show in London England at the end of March. Which, of course, I didn't think I could afford. My parent's have now offered to pay for my flight. I think they are slightly worried about him going on his own. So, it looks like I'm out of excuses! Hopefully, while I'm there I'll have a chance to visit the Coronation street set! Then all my dreams will have come true!

I seem to have started this entry off as a blanket post, and then morphed it into a letter to Adrian and Dayle...weird.

Mexican Dinner Pictures

Mexican night; the rundown

So Saturday night was Mexican night. Great fun was had by all I think. There were about 12 of us, you know the usual suspects. Alyson, Anna, Courtney, Sean, Ryan, Carolyn, Naomi, Andrew, Eric Lee, Chris, and of course Laura. Somehow I did not expect a case of Corona and Sol to go down so quickly but i guess if I have 3/4 of them before everyone gets there then it really will not last that long. But anyway I got raves about the salsa and the guacamole and then of course there was the main course. Rice, sour cream, refried beans, chicken, avacado, and sauteed peppers and asparagus. Everyone had quite the healthy appetite especially Alyson who took down two burritos, ahh a girl after my own heart. Anyway the night progressed and the drunkardness. I have a video of some really bad singing to wonderwall and I contemplated putting it up on youtube but I don't think that would have made people too happy. towards the end of the night the girls were in my room dancing to videos from the late 90s, OH JOY. The saddest part of the night was that there were girls in my bed. And where was i you ponder? In the LIVING ROOM. Oh well got a busy weekend coming up!
Take it easy
Graeme

Mexican Night preparations

So tonight is the big mexican night. Preparations are underway as we speak. There is a case of Corona and Sol chilling as we speak. Sweet freaking Jesus! More to come!

Clubland Schmubland Pictures

Club land schmub land

Alright so for this story to make any context you got to understand that mood I was in. It was the first night on me quitting smoking (its been three days now, no applause nessecary) but I was cranky, shaky and sweaty. But anyway to the story. So Laura (1) convinced me to go with her to Laura Robinson's (2) birthday celebration at her condo and then a club called the emabssy (gags all around). So we hung out at Laura's condo for a while, while everyone got drunk. I stayed sober because I found out the hard way that wine and jager do not mix. So we went to the club and its freezing and we are standing in line when one of the bouncers says to Jason (Laura's (1) friend) that he cannot come in because hes wearing running shoes. So there was pleading and what ifs from the line to try to get him in with no avail. We finally all get in only to pay $10 :| F'in hell I hate it already. Picture the neon lights, the spot lights and throbbing dance beats. Oh don't get me started on paying $20 for 2 redbull and a shot of jager. The night rolls on, poor Laura (1) is a bit drunk and the music continues to suck and my attempts at dancing are lack luster at best. I was severely under dressed. I did not have nearly the 1 gallon of gel in my hair done in a perfectly pointed faux hawk, or the tight tight shirt, or the perfectly manicured beard. But Laura (1) and I made the best of it. We laughed at the people, talked about punching a few in the face, of course Laura (1) got hit on, but hey thats usually how it goes. The skanktourage was out in full force and honestly everyone was there to be seen. Its no dance cave at least there we can do what we please and enjoy semi decent music. Those clubs need to be burned to the floor with those club people still in them. That was my rant for the night. At some point in time Laura will post some pictures. Keep on trucking guys and we are loving every second of your blog. We miss you plenty.
-Graeme

The first post

So this is a response blog to Adrian and Dayle's south east Asia travel blog. Basically what we will be sharing with the world is the misadventures of one Laura Cunningham and Graeme Cambridge. We will follow the remaining elements of the once all awesome Dragon Force as they set out to take over the GTA.