I know this is all going to come out sounding like such a downer, and it would probably be better if i didn't put this down, but i feel like i need to write it out to stop the craziness in my head. it's keeping me from sleep and from anything productive.
I don't know if it's that Ive started going to therapy, or just that all the crappy things seem to happen at the same time, but i am feeling so broken.
I just wish I could stop living for a while. Not that I'm suicidal or anything. I don't want to be dead certainly. and i even love my life. I am just so tired. I wish i could have some time off. where i could just stop being for a while. i need to catch up. I feel like I am so swamped with everything that I can't catch up to my own life and it is overwhelming me to the point of wanting to retreat more and more away from everyone and everything in my life. simply because i can't handle creating any new memories or relationships or even superficial conversation let alone substantial life moments. I want to sort out the past, not even, i just want the past to not exist. and the future not to exist. Why can we not just choose when to move through our own lives and when to pause everything and take a breathe for a minute?!
2 comments:
Hey!
Hey!
This weather is not so uplifting eh?
Well, I dont know if you can smell the summertime already, maybe not. But when you get a sense of how much fun you are going to have, all the places to go, and the friends be waiting for you, wouldnt that be a good thing to feel NOW? well maybe no one can feel that..., but it would be a good to feel that way for even a small while.
So take and hour for yourself everyday, do some weights or yoga, write poetry or learn the constellations at night. You got what it takes, come on lass!
Its all 'bout enjoying the simple things first. Then ya can work on the future. lol
Galis eh!
slice...
ps. Graeme, goose, maybe its time to buzz the tower... ghostrider ...
Laura!
Hope you're feeling better... just read your blog and I want to give you cyber-hugs! Your words made me think and let you know that Adrian and i even found ourselves bored last night, on vacation, supposedly away from the daily drags of normal life where everything's supposed to be new and exciting... it's still very possible to run out of things to do and not feel like you're getting stuff done for yourself! I used to like to get out the crayons and a big sketchpad and make some bright, bold abstract art. In fact, I wanted to do that last night but there are like, no stores in Port Douglas. Try something new, like this other wise person wrote you... cuz it's something we can all feel, but can get out of it with a little time for yourself and only you. Miss you lots and keep in touch! We'll write you a postcard soon :) write/call us anytime...
xoxoxo
Dayle and Adrian
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