What she said

Its official I am in a rut. A rut that I desperately need to get out of. I feel like I am getting left behind. Everyone around me has a relationship going and I am that guy again, the friend guy. I have come to terms with that, I just don't really feel like I have anyone to really talk to anymore. But hey thats life right, it can't be all sunshine and puppies all the time. But sunshine and puppies would be AWESOME. I am biding my time right now with work and hoping to get playing golf soon. I am off to bed, goodnight world.

In other words...

I heard that song today "give in" by Tina Dico. and it made me think of how i've been feeling recently. and i think Graeme has been feeling it too. There has been a slump of sorts. It may be the weather, the gray drab spring before the shine that makes you think nothing pretty and vibrant will ever resurface, despite the knowledge that it is just around the corner. the rebirth of flora and good times seemingly too far to count on. It makes one feel an itch that you can't seem to scratch because, while you can feel that it is somewhere on your back, you can't seem to get the spot right on. almost as though it is inside your skin and unscratchable. strangely as i type this my back is getting itchy. a literal itch is so much easier to scratch than a metaphoric one.

So Graeme is off in the spring to England and I am still at odds with what to do with myself. In so many ways I am back at the drawing board. new job? maybe. not sure if i'm ready to leave this one, though i know i should. new apartment. perhaps. though i know i am not anxious to move despite my desire to not live where i am. new city. maybe it's time. but then where? back to the old create a new life for Laura stage. which is both frustrating and lovely.

Similar to the beginning of a road trip. Where you have no plan except to not plan. Where you know you want to have some adventures, but you can't plan for them because you don't know really what you want. But you ar sure that you'll know it when you see it. We always know our cake when we see it don't we Graeme? And we won't hesitate to eat it when we find it. We just like to wait till someone lays it out in front of us so we can say, " Yes I'll take a big piece please".

It's hard but it's worth it

Give in
to your confusion
theres no good in hiding
why you're unusual
leave it behind
then change your mind
take what you find
it will be good enough

too young to be heroes
too old to play april fools
too smart to be honest
cause we've got too much to lose

too late to be perfect
it's not like we haven't tried
it's hard but its worth it
every time we get it right

every time you give in
and go where it takes you
stand by the feeling
even if it breaks you
it's always a guess
which way's the best
take what you find and
make it good enough

and even when you're lost inside yourself
even when too weak to cry for help
even when you can't put up a fight
even when your broke and you aren't right
maybe it's the struggle that you need
something to disturb you in your sleep
a kiss of madness on your cheek

when will you see
you've got to give in to your confusion
leave it behind
then change your mind
take what you find and let it be good enough

Sionara Toronto (well eventually)

So I am sitting here in my office and trying to procrastinate as much as possible from doing the presentation that is due tomorrow. Its blazing sunshine outside but my ears almost fell off on my walk to school. Colour me impressed. I have come to the realization that I am ready to take a break from this city. I have been here for 5+ years and frankly its getting on my nerves now. I need to go see and do something different for a bit, then come back here and finish off what I started. Thats why I am looking forward to going to England. It shall be quite the adventure (never been across the pond) and I will get to meet new people. I really need to expand my circle of friends a little bit. So I am counting the days till I can give the old middle finger to the new world and go visit the old one for a while. Wish I could take the crew with me but hey we all got to go do something on our own every so often. I shall get my fill of summer in toronto till then, Drunk on a patio somewhere or on a golf course is where I shall be.
Back to work i go.

Off to England in July

Well I have just come home from some drinking at shoeless joes. I am getting my liver ready for the alcohol onslaught tomm. I thought I would tell the world that I am confirmed to go to England from July to the end of September. I am super excited to go , but don't want to leave the weekday grilfriday behind. What can I say she is lost without me. Oh well I plan to find me a good Irish hottie when I am visiting Belfast for all of 30 pounds.
Thats all for now I will post the aftermath of tomm's festivites.

G

Massage Heaven

So Laura and I are sitting in Sushi Sky and thinking that we need a little pampering. We wanted a massage but could not figure out anywhere to get it in the area and it was to be a spur of the moment thing. So we started walking up Yonge st on the way home and low and behold what do we see on a door on Yonge St just south of Wellsley. you guessed it, a massage parlor that was open. So we go in to check the prices and the lady was nice enough to give us a discount. She asks if we want to go together and we say sure. She shows us the room and we reach a quandary. Do we take off all our clothes? We decide no only shirts will come off. Apparently the lady thought that we were a couple and not just the awesome friends that we are. The massage was great, it helped that my masseuse kind of looked like a school girl. She sat on my back and everything I felt like jello after, it was great. I will certainly have to go back.

Baseball fever

Well lads and lasses it seems I am the proud holder of two season opener for Toronto's beloved Blue Jays. I got the tickets that we were hoping for in a little nook almost exactly center of the 200 level outfield. April 9th is going to be a hella good time.